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B e a r i n g Witness

Stories of supporting my husband through mental illness

I'm just here to say: I see you. Supporting a loved one through mental illness is hard and lonely. I hope you feel less alone through reading our story.

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Today

As I write this, Nick and I are sitting at Starbucks. He's sitting across from me working on policies and procedures for our business....

"You Don't Understand!"

Nick uttered (or sometimes yelled) these words to me more times than I can possibly count. "You don't understand!" became a daily phrase...

Dear Daisy

Dear Daisy, You were the first one to know. You were my first confidant. You knew from the beginning that something was wrong. I watched...

The Alcohol Problem

Alcohol began to play a role in coping with Nick's mental illness - for both of us. That's not to say that either one of us ever met the...

May 1, 2020: The Next Chapter

May 1, 2020 will always be a day Nick and I celebrate. Beyond it being my mom's birthday (hi, Mom!) it's the day Nick started his next...

I Wanted a Divorce

I've been delaying this topic for a while. It's hard to talk about for a multitude of reasons. Before I go on, I want to make it...

Counting the Pills

In 2018, Nick lost his dad, family dog, and then his aunt - all within a 3-month period. A few days after his aunt passed, we were...

COVID Shutdowns

The kidney stone debacle was behind us. We were sitting at just over $30,000 in medical debt. Nick's mental health was at an all-time...

Nick's Story

Hi everyone! My name is Nick. I'm Erica’s husband. I have OCD, otherwise known as obsessive-compulsive disorder. In short, OCD means that...

Hiding the Percocets: Part II

The prescriptions were for percocets and another drug used for kidney stones; although I forget which one. I put the prescriptions in my...

Hiding the Percocets: Part I

Around this time, Nick had started mentioning thoughts of driving his car off one of the Colorado mountain roads with hopes he wouldn't...

New Chapter, Same Story

My memory of the timeline of events gets hazy after we moved to Colorado. I was so overwhelmed that I truthfully have no idea if my...

Goodbye Florida, Hello Colorado

It was finally time to leave Florida behind. We were trading the beach for the mountains, the humidity for dryness, and sea level for...

Christmas 2019

I was starting to see hope with Nick's video game addiction. Graduation had gone well and he had finally realized and admitted that video...

Graduation Part II: Reality

When we showed up to the graduation venue, Nick was on edge. I could feel it. I was still worried, but as we got inside and started to...

Graduation Part I: Worries

It was finally time to graduate. Nearly three and a half years of hard work and dedication were coming to a close. We had taken all 5...

Skydiving For My Mental Health

When Nick was hospitalized, I was already in therapy. I was also knee-deep into Brené Brown's work on vulnerability. I had just finished...

Nick Wanted a Divorce

Shortly after Nick's video game addiction started, we started fighting daily. I was quick to point out that the amount of time he spent...

Silence

I have mentioned that I didn't tell friends and family what was going on with Nick in the early stages. There's a handful of reasons for...

Hospitalization: Part 2

So we Baker Acted Nick. I got a call from him about an hour after the police drove off with him. He was screaming at me. "I can't believe...

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