Shortly after Nick's video game addiction started, we started fighting daily. I was quick to point out that the amount of time he spent playing video games was getting out of hand. It pissed him off, to say the least.
One day, a couple of months before his hospitalization, he came home and told me to sit at the kitchen table. He was angry and wouldn't look at me.
He laced his hands together on the table. "I've been thinking a lot about this relationship," he started, looking down at his hands. "I think it was a mistake for us to get married. I don't want kids. I don't want for us to be married anymore. I think we should get divorced." He had never been so cold towards me. He started spinning his wedding ring around on his finger, like he was contemplating taking it off.
"What are you talking about? We've been talking about marriage, kids, and what we were going to do with our lives since three months into our relationship. How can all of that change so suddenly?" I was utterly confused. The confusion made me frustrated. I fought the urge to burst into tears of frustration.
"I am sick of fighting with you. I should be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I clearly can't do that in this relationship." He was talking about the video games. He wanted to be able to play video games without someone fighting with him over it.
I was tired of fighting with him, too. But I knew who Nick was and what he was capable of. I knew he could be successful at anything he put his mind to. I wasn't ready to give up on the person I had married and throw in the towel on our future... yet.
I couldn't hold back the water works anymore. I started crying telling him how none of this made any sense. The conversation ended when he stood up and said, "I have a lot to think about." He went into the other room to play video games.
So many thoughts started running through my head:
"How did we end up here?"
"I was planning on spending the rest of my life with this person. I don't have a plan B"
"What the actual f*ck"
"We just got married. How are we seriously talking about divorce?"
"What would we do with the dog? I can't take her back to Ontario because she's a pitbull. He can't even care for himself, let alone her."
"Where would I live?"
"How would I break this to family and friends?"
"This is embarrassing that my marriage has fallen apart so quickly."
I only told a handful of people about this conversation. Almost everyone came to the (accurate) conclusion that he was probably freaking out about having kids because he could barely care for himself. The thought of having to care for a child was probably too overwhelming for him to think about in his current mental state.
While this conclusion would end up being true, but it didn't stop me from feeling uneasy about our future and whether or not he would serve me with divorce papers.
I would spend a lot of time by myself walking down by the beach trying to figure out Plan B.

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