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  • ericaanne

Dear Daisy

Dear Daisy,


You were the first one to know. You were my first confidant. You knew from the beginning that something was wrong.


I watched you become confused when your dad started to become addicted to video games. You would sit at his feet and wait until he was done. As his addiction grew, our nightly family walks quickly became a one-on-one. I'd walk with you, night after night, and you'd listen to me ramble about my frustrations. On the nights I didn't speak, you'd watch the frustration get painted across my face while I had my own internal dialogue.


You watched me put myself to bed with tears in my eyes. As I cried myself to sleep, you jumped on the bed and nudged your face onto my shoulder... every. single. time. You would lay there as my tears streamed down my face and absorbed into your coat. As I started to calm down, you'd lick the salt from the tears off my face.


When he went to the hospital, I watched you sit on the porch while he was escorted to the police car. I watched you get confused as they drove off with him inside. After they left, you started to whine. You put your head in my lap as I started to cry, too. We sat there together, despondent about our situation.


When your dad started to bring up divorce, I retreated to our room and sunk to the floor. You followed me and sat next to me as I cried in confusion. Petting you calmed me down.


After we moved to Colorado, you were the only other "person" I knew in our new town. As I started to feel more lonely, I leaned on you even more. You became my adventure buddy as we started to explore our nearby mountains while dad stayed at home.


When we were awoken to your dad screaming out in pain, I watched you get scared that something bad was happening to him. When he started sleeping more, all you knew was that he didn't feel well. You'd cuddle with him to try to help.


When COVID shutdowns meant I couldn't see my friends or family, I turned to you even more than I already had. The nights I started contemplating divorce, I'd look over at your face and wondered where we would go. Would we stay in the US? Where in Canada could I take you? I'd sit on the floor, wrap you in my arms, whisper in your ear and promise to figure it out if we ever had to leave.


And every once in a while, you would break the tension by acting like a total goof.


For a long time, it seemed like we were holding our breath - not sure about what our futures would hold.


Then, one day, the video games disappeared, and it seemed like we both started breathing again. It was slowly feeling like our family was returning; like the pieces were slowly being put back together. Then one day, much later on, we looked around and our lives were whole once more.


You will never know how grateful I am for you. At the time in my life when I felt the most alone, confused, sad, and angry, you were the one "person" there through everything. You were my biggest support, and you didn't even know it. You are a substantial reason I got through this.


Love you forever and always,


Mom

A picture with Daisy taken 23 days before Nick got rid of his video games
Taken 23 days before Nick got rid of his video games

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